It is 1:21 a.m and I can't sleep. I got up thinking maybe if I tried to write something I could bore myself to sleep. That was not an attempt at self deprecation for literary purposes, but simply a statement of fact. Sometimes my own thoughts bore me. They really do.
I started this blog thinking I might wow people with the force of my intellect. That's kind of a ridiculous notion when you think about it. Not that I am not intelligent, I am, or at least my family, friends and my I.Q score say that I am. What's ridiculous is my thinking that anyone reading my blog would care. That's assuming anyone IS reading my blog. Nevertheless, here I am typing away in the wee hours of the morning.
So, back to my thoughts. I'm thinking that I am not doing a very good job of thinking. Or maybe that I am not thinking at all or otherwise I wouldn't be up in the middle of the night typing on a blog that nobody reads. Instead, I would be sleeping so that I could get up in the morning and do something productive like, I don't know, trying to straighten my life out in some form or fashion. I have allowed myself to sink into an abyss of my own making. It started with losing my job, which was not my fault, but everything that has happened since has been controlled my me, and not very well I might add. I can go back and analyze what decisions I made along the way that brought me to this point, but that wouldn't change anything. I am at the point where I brought myself.
None of this stuff is important to anyone but me and the few people who give a damn about me. Not exactly the stuff you would write on a blog meant for public consumption. I have nothing to offer the public at large that is profound or thought provoking tonight. Just my own boring thoughts being typed onto a blog in order to put myself to sleep, or anyone else who might be reading it. Blah, blah, blah.
Hey cyberspace, CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? Didn't think so.
A blog by a very opinionated woman
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Life or Something Like It.
I have been thinking for a while about taking the blog down. In the last few months my life has become such a shadow of its former self that it has been difficult to get out of bed in the morning, much less take the brain cell energy to post any coherent thoughts. My unemployment benefits ended in January and I have no income at all now. I still continue to apply for jobs but I can't even get an interview anymore. I have managed to keep my internet connection up to this point, but I don't see how I can continue much longer.
I hardly get out of the apartment anymore. My only pleasure in life is baseball and I have concentrated solely on that. Wasting one single thought on politics only emphasizes to me the total breakdown this country has undergone and will continue to undergo. I could write a thesis on how I think we got to this point, but it hardly matters now. There is no going back.
The one thing that is still precious to me, after all I have gone through, is life. While my life is miserable, I still have it. I am not a suicidal person; I have always believed that as long as I have people that love me, I have to continue living, no matter how bad it gets. The preciousness of life was brought home to me even more when I received the news yesterday that a childhood friend of mine, less than a year older than me, had passed away of cancer. I had lost touch with this friend, but her death still touches me deeply. Someone I grew up with, spent countless precious hours with, no longer breathes on this earth. It can't get more final than that. Life ending is something that I have not considered or comprehended even amid all the failure and disappointment and total breakdown of everything I have known in my 51 years on this planet. I still breathe. For everything that this friend once meant to me, I have to hold onto that, no matter what happens.
I hardly get out of the apartment anymore. My only pleasure in life is baseball and I have concentrated solely on that. Wasting one single thought on politics only emphasizes to me the total breakdown this country has undergone and will continue to undergo. I could write a thesis on how I think we got to this point, but it hardly matters now. There is no going back.
The one thing that is still precious to me, after all I have gone through, is life. While my life is miserable, I still have it. I am not a suicidal person; I have always believed that as long as I have people that love me, I have to continue living, no matter how bad it gets. The preciousness of life was brought home to me even more when I received the news yesterday that a childhood friend of mine, less than a year older than me, had passed away of cancer. I had lost touch with this friend, but her death still touches me deeply. Someone I grew up with, spent countless precious hours with, no longer breathes on this earth. It can't get more final than that. Life ending is something that I have not considered or comprehended even amid all the failure and disappointment and total breakdown of everything I have known in my 51 years on this planet. I still breathe. For everything that this friend once meant to me, I have to hold onto that, no matter what happens.
Friday, March 18, 2011
It Apparently Isn't the Economy, Stupid.
I haven't posted in a while. There has been plenty going on in the world, but I have had more personal things to concern myself with. Like how I am going to pay my rent next month. When you are a single person who has been unemployed for over two years, with no regular source of income and family and friends who do not have the financial resources to help you, life can be pretty stressful. No kidding.
So the GOP has been in charge in the House for about 3 months and I have yet to hear of any bills introduced by them to create jobs. I heard they may have talked about it once. I would guess Boehner has probably cried about it. Apparently defunding NPR and making the IRS into the abortion police is a more pressing need in this country. Well the IRS might as well have something to do seeing as how they have no taxes to collect from all those wealthy people. Collecting large sums of money can keep you pretty busy. Repossessing an unemployed person's car takes much less time.
And those cheeky state GOPers, aren't they a gas? I hear the Minnesota GOP wants to make it a crime for a person getting public assistance to carry more than $20 in cash. Makes sense, I mean we wouldn't want them to get mugged right? Because that is taxpayer money they are getting beat up over. And then there is Wisconsin, the state with all the ungodly wealthy teachers, firefighters and police officers. Got to put a stop to that. Those corporate CEOs can't be upstaged, that would be a travesty. Wait, corporate CEO's make much more than $40,000 a year? Well who would have thunk it.
To be fair, the President hasn't been much help either. Apparently bombing Libya takes precedence over keeping people in America from losing their homes and starving. Don't get me wrong, I voted for the guy and all seeing how he was much better than the alternative. I mean who really wanted Clueless Barbie a heartbeat (literally in McCain's case) away from the Presidency. But he could, you know, mention the jobless crisis once in a while, just so everyone doesn't forget there are 15 million people with no jobs in this country. At least for those who care anyway. And those who but for the grace of God are not in my shoes. It can happen in a split second, let me tell you, and last for a very very long time.
Well it doesn't matter anyway. Glenn Beck says it is the end of the world. So why worry? Gee I feel so much better now.
So the GOP has been in charge in the House for about 3 months and I have yet to hear of any bills introduced by them to create jobs. I heard they may have talked about it once. I would guess Boehner has probably cried about it. Apparently defunding NPR and making the IRS into the abortion police is a more pressing need in this country. Well the IRS might as well have something to do seeing as how they have no taxes to collect from all those wealthy people. Collecting large sums of money can keep you pretty busy. Repossessing an unemployed person's car takes much less time.
And those cheeky state GOPers, aren't they a gas? I hear the Minnesota GOP wants to make it a crime for a person getting public assistance to carry more than $20 in cash. Makes sense, I mean we wouldn't want them to get mugged right? Because that is taxpayer money they are getting beat up over. And then there is Wisconsin, the state with all the ungodly wealthy teachers, firefighters and police officers. Got to put a stop to that. Those corporate CEOs can't be upstaged, that would be a travesty. Wait, corporate CEO's make much more than $40,000 a year? Well who would have thunk it.
To be fair, the President hasn't been much help either. Apparently bombing Libya takes precedence over keeping people in America from losing their homes and starving. Don't get me wrong, I voted for the guy and all seeing how he was much better than the alternative. I mean who really wanted Clueless Barbie a heartbeat (literally in McCain's case) away from the Presidency. But he could, you know, mention the jobless crisis once in a while, just so everyone doesn't forget there are 15 million people with no jobs in this country. At least for those who care anyway. And those who but for the grace of God are not in my shoes. It can happen in a split second, let me tell you, and last for a very very long time.
Well it doesn't matter anyway. Glenn Beck says it is the end of the world. So why worry? Gee I feel so much better now.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Sky is Falling and Chicken Little is no longer a Bird.
The Albert Pujols negotiations are not going well. So the media tells us. The media that is under a media blackout with regard to the Pujols negotiations. Amazing.
Well, I have reliable sources telling me that not only are the negotiations going nowhere, but Pujols agent Don Lozano has changed his cell phone number and Albert recently sent John Mozeliak an autographed Yankees jersey with a matching scarf.
Seriously though, what are the possible scenarios here? One, the Cardinals sign Pujols before the deadline and everything is hunky dorey (depending of course on how much the Cardinals have to cough up so we may have to revisit the hunky dorey thing). Two, the Cardinals sign Pujols at the end of the season before he hits FA, thus hunky dorey also (see caveat above). Three, Pujols changes his mind about being traded and the Cardinals trade him for half of the Phillies starting lineup and Roy Halladay. Or, four, Pujols signs with another team and the Cardinals go on without him. This last scenario comes with its own list of possible outcomes which I don't plan to touch with a pole of any length.
As a Cardinals fan the idea of Pujols playing for another team disturbs me. As a person who has been unemployed for two years and facing the possibility of living in a homeless shelter, the idea of paying Pujols 30 million dollars makes me want to give him the fastest ride out of town on a rail (tarring and feathering optional) On the other hand, if Bill Dewitt (insert number here) is laughing and counting his money in the Cayman Islands, then my only option appears to be to accept it, wish Pujols well, and never grace the inside of Busch Stadium again while Bill Dewitt et al continues to own the Cardinals. Of course living in a homeless shelter would sort of make that a given, but I digress.
Ok so what's your point you ask? My point is that baseball is a game and life is not. You want to agonize over something agonize over the tragedies unfolding every day in this country and across the world. Agonize over poverty and violence. Agonize over things that matter.
I have my own problems to agonize over and Pujols ain't one of them.
Well, I have reliable sources telling me that not only are the negotiations going nowhere, but Pujols agent Don Lozano has changed his cell phone number and Albert recently sent John Mozeliak an autographed Yankees jersey with a matching scarf.
Seriously though, what are the possible scenarios here? One, the Cardinals sign Pujols before the deadline and everything is hunky dorey (depending of course on how much the Cardinals have to cough up so we may have to revisit the hunky dorey thing). Two, the Cardinals sign Pujols at the end of the season before he hits FA, thus hunky dorey also (see caveat above). Three, Pujols changes his mind about being traded and the Cardinals trade him for half of the Phillies starting lineup and Roy Halladay. Or, four, Pujols signs with another team and the Cardinals go on without him. This last scenario comes with its own list of possible outcomes which I don't plan to touch with a pole of any length.
As a Cardinals fan the idea of Pujols playing for another team disturbs me. As a person who has been unemployed for two years and facing the possibility of living in a homeless shelter, the idea of paying Pujols 30 million dollars makes me want to give him the fastest ride out of town on a rail (tarring and feathering optional) On the other hand, if Bill Dewitt (insert number here) is laughing and counting his money in the Cayman Islands, then my only option appears to be to accept it, wish Pujols well, and never grace the inside of Busch Stadium again while Bill Dewitt et al continues to own the Cardinals. Of course living in a homeless shelter would sort of make that a given, but I digress.
Ok so what's your point you ask? My point is that baseball is a game and life is not. You want to agonize over something agonize over the tragedies unfolding every day in this country and across the world. Agonize over poverty and violence. Agonize over things that matter.
I have my own problems to agonize over and Pujols ain't one of them.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Elvis Has Left The Building Again
Today was the opening day of the new Congress. Something I have been waiting for with baited breath. No, not really, I was just kidding. So out with Nancy Pelosi and in with John Boehner, the orange-skinned crying man. Don't get me wrong, I have never been a Pelosi fan. She did a few good things, but she was mostly a failure, as was the majority of the Democrats in Congress. They had the opportunity to do good things and they wasted it.
So now we have Boehner and his merry band of lunatic fringe corporatists, lobbyists, beauty pageant airheads and hangers on who have no clue about how government is supposed to work but they have been told it is bad by the cream of the crop experts like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh so that is good enough for them. Keep the government out of my Medicare they cry! Wait........oh never mind, it wouldn't matter anyway. Sense and sanity left this country long ago.
So we are left with what? Not much. We have let the fox back into the hen house and we are going to see how that works out. Albert Einstein was a genius in more ways than one (you know, he said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over thing). Can't wait to see what the first order of business is, probably trying to repeal that healthcare thingy that can't be repealed but we are going to try anyway because the lemmings want us too. Then on to the business of continuing to not do anything to help the country unless it makes the President look bad. Not that the President hasn't done well enough on his own. You know, trying to play nice with people who hate you is not something I would recommend. It tends to, you know, fail and make you look bad.
As someone who has been unemployed for two years now, I have no hope for better things to come. No, I suspect much worse is coming. A man I used to work with once said something profound that at the time I paid no heed to. He said if you look back at history, all great empires have fallen. Who is to say the United States won't be the next one on the list?
We probably should all learn to speak Chinese.
So now we have Boehner and his merry band of lunatic fringe corporatists, lobbyists, beauty pageant airheads and hangers on who have no clue about how government is supposed to work but they have been told it is bad by the cream of the crop experts like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh so that is good enough for them. Keep the government out of my Medicare they cry! Wait........oh never mind, it wouldn't matter anyway. Sense and sanity left this country long ago.
So we are left with what? Not much. We have let the fox back into the hen house and we are going to see how that works out. Albert Einstein was a genius in more ways than one (you know, he said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over thing). Can't wait to see what the first order of business is, probably trying to repeal that healthcare thingy that can't be repealed but we are going to try anyway because the lemmings want us too. Then on to the business of continuing to not do anything to help the country unless it makes the President look bad. Not that the President hasn't done well enough on his own. You know, trying to play nice with people who hate you is not something I would recommend. It tends to, you know, fail and make you look bad.
As someone who has been unemployed for two years now, I have no hope for better things to come. No, I suspect much worse is coming. A man I used to work with once said something profound that at the time I paid no heed to. He said if you look back at history, all great empires have fallen. Who is to say the United States won't be the next one on the list?
We probably should all learn to speak Chinese.
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